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1996-02-14
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106 lines
A.Merryman
Shit Happens
Calvinism Shit happens because you don't work hard enough.
7th Day Adventist Shit doesn't happen on Saturdays.
Hedonism There is nothing like a good shit happening.
Existentialism What is shit anyways?
Shit doesn't happen; shit is.
Zoroastrianism Shit happens half the time.
Moonies Only happy shit really happens.
Mormon This shit is going to happen again.
Jehovah's Witnesses No shit happens until Armaggedon.
Secular Humanism Shit evolves.
Reform Judaism Got any Kaopectate?
Christian Science When shit doesn't happen, don't call a doctor--pray.
Taoism If you can shit, it isn't shit.
Buddhism Shit will happen again to you next time.
Hinduism This shit is not a religion, it is the way of life.
Charismatic Catholicism
Shit is happening because you deserve it,
but we love you anyway.
Creationalism After six days of shit, He rested.
New Age This isn't shit if I really believe it's chocolate.
I create my own shit.
Mormon Hey, there's more shit over here!
Baptist You are shitting all wrong, and you'll be punished
for it.
Unitarianism Go ahead, shit anywhere you want
Iraqi Baathist Oh shit!
Televangelism Your tax-deductible donation could make this shit
stop happening
Agnosticism It looks and smells like shit, but I haven't tasted
it, so I'm not sure whether its shit or not.
Atheism It looks and smells like shit, so I'm damned if I'm
going to taste it.
Voodoo Shit doesn't just happen -- somebody dumped it on
you.
Yuppism It's my shit! All mine! Isn't it beautiful?
Heisenbergism Shit happened, we just don't know where.
Nixonism Shit didn't happen, and if it did I din't know
anything about it.
McCarthyism Are you now, or have you ever been, shit?
Communism It's everybody's shit.
Capitalism Shit happens, and it'll cost you!
McLeanism This shit has happened to me before.
Green Peace Save this shit.
Environmentalism Recycle this shit.
Fatalism Not this shit AGAIN.
Paranoia Shit happens cuz it's a plot.
Optimism Shit happens only once.
Pessimism Shit happens forever.
Military Shit happens. By the numbers.
Realist I think I need to take a shit.
Daoism If you think it's shit, you missed the point
Episcopalianism Same shit, less stink
Utilitarianism Shit if it creates the most pleasure
Creationist This shit is 6000 years old
How could such neat shit come about by random chance?
END
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